Let's talk about butts, baby.  Let's talk about you and me. That's the bum, the bottom portion of our bodies, the hiney, the buttocks, the gluteus maximus, with "maximus" being the key word.  Butt's seem like they are becoming more popular these days, and the bigger ones are revered. 

The derriere comes in different shapes and sizes, as we are aware, but now they are now compared to Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Lopez, and Sophia Vergara.  These are curvy women with ample bottoms.  Am I to assume the meatier butt is considered stylish and in demand today?  Are we no longer trying to shrink our bodies down to the ambitious size 2? These butts will not fit into a size 2!

I am very pleased about this new development in body shape and I am very much in style!  I have been called a bubble-butt in my younger days, but now that I have aged, I have been told I have a shelf-butt.  This shape is excellent for carrying a tray with food or drinks.  It sounds insulting, but could come in handy at a party when both hands are occupied.  When we were younger this would have been a great place to put the baby instead of those awkward baby backpacks.

It appears that I am always slanted forward with this shelf-butt no matter how much I try to appear standing straight.  The thing just gets in the way, but makes an excellent cushion.  Lying on my stomach, the cat enjoys the extra padding, and I can sit for long periods of time without fear of a sore bottom.  If I happen to slip and land on my bottom, there are no worries!  I could probably bounce right back up without injury!

So, women, embrace your butts!  I know that is literally hard to do, so obviously I mean it figuratively. An ample butt gives us something to hold onto as we age.  It distinguishes us from other women and creates a new work space for hands free living.  It prevents injury and broken bones. The butt is a beautiful thing just like the women who own them. We do not judge women by their butts, but we do admire them.  And like the song says, "fat bottom girls you make the rockin' world go round"!

Love can be a beautiful thing, if we are with the right person.  I know many excellent couples who have been married for over 20 years, still enjoy each others' company, and respect and support each other.  I know other couples who couldn't wait to get married and realized after the "magical" wedding was over, life begins, and it isn't easy to maintain that passion.

I have been married for almost 36 years, and I realized early on it was going to be a struggle.  Living with your in-laws for almost three years didn't help.  If you can live through that, you can live through anything!  I would not recommend doing that.  We were both working and could afford a place of our own, but I don't think my husband was ready to leave his mother.  So he had two women taking care of him, one doing the cooking, cleaning and laundry the way he liked, the other doing the other things men like, if you know what I mean?  That's right. Sharing a life with his mother and still dating.  His reasoning for this arrangement was to allow us to save for a house of our own. Two women in the same house sharing one man.  I was young, what can I say?  I was angry a lot, but we did save and eventually build our own home.  I'm reasonably sure he didn't want to move.  He had a pretty sweet thing going on.

Life and relationships are never easy and cannot be maintained unless each person works at it.  When the children come, it gets even more crowded and emotions are divided.  I remember my mom telling me after she had her first child, my dad was a little jealous.  Mom used to shine his shoes and lay out his clothes for work.  When the baby came, she had less time to devote to her husband.  Of course, he was a great dad, eventually understood, and proceeded to have three more kids after the first one arrived.  My husband was in shock after our first arrived and had difficulty with the realization he was a dad and totally responsible for another human being!

It has taken years for us to adjust to new adventures in life and learn to depend on each other for support.  We have a good relationship because I have maintained a little independence and always make time for my friends and family.  My whole life used to be wrapped around his and the children.  Most decisions were made by him.  But, I have never liked being told what to do, and when he realized one day I was doing things my way for once, he was not happy.  He has accepted who I am now, that I like doing things without him sometimes and I am happy, but he liked things the way they were before I made any objections. Now our biggest conflict is deciding whether to get hardwood floors or new rugs.  I don't want rugs.  This may be a bigger hurdle than I originally thought!

Marriage is a lot of give and take and it should be equal on both sides.  There is pain, joy, compassion, and compromise.  In the heart of it is remembering the love that brought us together.  It doesn't die, it just gets buried in the weeds if no one is pulling them out to help it grow.  Anger is passion, but it should not override love.  Get on with the anger, work through it, and remember the person you committed to love in your vows. Anger is the reason for gun control, so married couples should not own one.  We might forget in the heat of the moment who we are aiming for!

Knives should be locked up too.  I once threatened my husband with one.  He never knew before he locked himself in the bedroom that it was only a butter knife.  I'm afraid of real knives, and never even use a big one to chop vegetables!  He told me I was crazy, and maybe at that moment I was.  But, he never did whatever it was that made me so angry again!

Therefore, as spring continues to renew life around us, and the sun gets warmer, remember to breath some life into all our relationships.  Forget yesterday, and look at the new life ahead.  If we were all more tolerant, we could end wars!  I know that is an ambitious thought, so lets just start at home.  Life is not that different for any of us.

"Don't get old, kid!"  Good advice from an old man I met in a supermarket once.  He was having difficulty walking, using the cart for support, and bagging and lifting his purchases.  Then he couldn't remember where he parked his car.  That scared me.  This man was still driving and could barely walk.  Where was his family?  Did he have any family who could step in and do what needed to be done for this sweet man?  I often worried about elderly people I would see out and about who obviously had difficulty doing the things that wear a younger person out, like shopping.

Now, I would love to follow his advice and not get old, but I'm not ready for the alternative.  Although my life is very boring compared to other people I know, I still like the fact that I'm living it!

Recently I had a discussion with a friend about the difficulties of sleeping.  I can't remember if I always had a problem, but it seems sleep often escapes me the older I get.  Her solution is to get a little exercise every day and use a "blankie".  That's what I said.  Just like babies love their "blankie", she has a nice soft blankie she wraps herself in and holds against her cheek.  It is relaxing for her and helps her to sleep.  I told her I don't have a blankie, but I have a cat that is soft and curls up by my side when I go to sleep.  I pet her soft fur until my carpal tunnel starts to hurt and my bursitis in that shoulder acts up.  Then I turn to my side to prevent my knee from aching through the night.  Don't get old??  Are you kidding me?  Can't wait to see how I feel in 20 more years!

It seems we revert back to the things that comforted us when we were children, soft blankets, our animals, and sitting in the warm sunshine with our animal crackers in the summer.  (Well, that hasn't happened yet, but it's coming!!) I guess I always knew this subconsciously, but gradually, I'm realizing I'm starting to live like an older person.  In my head, I still think I'm 20 something and want to hang out with my young friends. I often have to remind myself they probably don't want to be with someone my age.  Although I am tons of fun and they love me, I just don't look their age and it would put a damper on their evening to be with someone who looks like their mom!

Therefore, on this April 1, I have to wonder who I'm fooling by thinking I will never get old.  We all get older every day.  I remember looking in the mirror one day in my early 40's and saying right out loud, "What the hell is that, and when did that happen!?!"  It seemed overnight I developed a different face.  An older face.  Maybe we can call it "a face of wisdom."  I didn't like it, but I'm getting used to it.  I obviously have no choice at this point.

April Fool my foot!  This is no joke!  You will all be there one day, so enjoy the ride until then.  After all, as you know, we are really not that different!

I was surprised to read recently that Courtney Love genuinely suspected she knew where the lost Malaysian plane could be found before any other country figured it out.  When I mentioned this to someone they immediately said, "Was she stoned?"  How would I know?  I just know her thoughts made news and gave me something to ponder.  My first thought was, "How could a comment from Courtney Love about such a sensitive issue like this make it into the news?"  Then I thought, "Wow, she really took some time thinking about this.  I wonder why no one else thought of this?"  There was a map and arrows pointing to a place on the map.  It all looked very official.

This news started my brain to think about other things in the world that need to happen, like a cure for cancer.  There are millions of dollars being poured into cancer research and treatments, but we have yet to come up with anything that actually works without a doubt.  I know too many people who have been touched by this disease and it's starting to get on my nerves.  One of my dear friends is battling right now as well as my sister.  My sister has a positive attitude although her prognosis is dire.  My friend has been depressed since the day he learned of his illness.  I don't know what lies in his future, but I wish he would treat every day as a blessing and a gift instead of spending this time under a cloud.

I know it is difficult to deal with the prospect of not being around for your family and not knowing how long you will be around, but for heaven sake, enjoy the time you are here.  I told him this, and my husband told me he completely understood and asked why I would say such a thing.  "Should I have told him to continue worrying?  Can we stop our future, or is it only possible to live in the present?  What is the purpose of worry?"

I was told that he is probably worrying about where he is going after his demise.  Now, that is something I never thought of, but, as a Catholic, we are taught we might not get into Heaven if we do not live spiritual lives.  My husband apparently is worried about being admitted into heaven.  I told him he was a good man and didn't need to worry.  Apparently, he thinks he needs to do more, so thank goodness he is healthy and has time to redeem himself!  He told me a story about how he used to steal donuts with his friends from a bakery truck early Saturday mornings while the truck was delivering to the Acme. He and his friends took them right off the truck for breakfast, and no one ever suspected.  This was 46 years ago, and it still haunts him.  He thinks he needs to go to confession.  I told him to talk to God.  He won't rest until he talks to a priest.  Unbelievable.

Anyway, I asked my friend if he was allowed to drink wine, and he said  he is going to ask his doctor.  Just one little glass of wine could help him to relax.  Two might make him forget for a little while.  And three might make him actually have a good time!  But, we'll start with one. 

Then, I thought, wouldn't it be great if they discovered wine could cure cancer??!!  No chemo, no radiation, just go home and drink lots of wine!  Pour it on your head if you need to, depending on what type of cancer you have...skin cancer, hair cancer, scalp cancer, dandruff.  I know, I'm getting carried away.  I like wine.

So, do we think my instinctive idea that wine may cure cancer will hit the news?  I'm doubting it!  I think I'll just go have a glass of wine and keep this thought to myself.  In this case, I think we might be a little different.

It is not easy to maintain sanity when it seems we are surrounded with insanity at every turn.  I believe I manage quite well, especially living with an 85-year-old woman who sometimes doesn't know if it's day or night.  This morning she got up at 6:30 am and wondered how come dinner wasn't ready yet.  Then she proceeded to turn the TV up to a volume that insured the rest of the house would wake up with her.  I should mention no one works normal hours, so there is no need for any of us to be up before 8 am. A little insane.

Then, last night we wanted to watch a movie on Netflix which we have paid for a couple of years and never used.  My son claimed he didn't know the password, but later informed us there were no more accounts available because three of his friends were using the other accounts which, again, we are paying for.  Should I be paying for something I can't use?  Apparently my husband wants to discuss it with my son first.  Maybe it's me, but that is insane.

Now, on another note, what do you do when you're unemployed?  Well, apparently, you buy a new car.  Yep.  My husband just bought a new car.  He discussed it with me and I didn't say no because, well, I thought logic would kick in and make him realize it might not be a good idea.  When he came home with it, I told him maybe he should have waited a few months and he said I should have said something sooner.  Seriously?  That is insane.

One more thing.  In my job searches, I decided to apply for a job in which I have 26 years experience.  I was rejected because I did not have the experience they were looking for. With that said, I do not know what someone with 26 years experience would have to offer anyone any more.  I'm starting to feel insane.

In summation, I live with a woman who doesn't know night from day, a son who is generous with friends and uses our money, a husband who thinks money grows on trees, no apparent job experience, and I twiddle my thumbs wondering if I'm the one living in an alternate reality.

It has been said that insanity is the closest thing to genius, so maybe everyone around me is a genius!  I better start adopting some of these attitudes so I can be labeled a genius too!  Then we can all really not be that different!

I have been reading the recent unemployment news and feeling discouraged by the situation of so many Americans, myself included.  The good thing is, most of the people I worked with who became unemployed at the same time, are now employed and this makes me very happy.

As for me, I have sent out at least 100 resumes and although the resume gets attention occasionally, something goes wrong with the interview. I decided after losing my job that I did not want to go back into retail, so I learned Microsoft Office thinking I could work in an office.  But, there is always something else wanted for the job that I don't feel qualified for.  No, I haven't used Excel extensively, no, I don't know Quick Books, no, I have not done bookkeeping, no, I have never worked in a Dr.'s office, or a hospital, no, I have not used PowerPoint.  That's a lot of "no's."  But, the fact that I have learned how to use all the applications in Microsoft Office does not seem to matter.  All that matters is I have not actually applied them to an actual job.  Every interviewer seems to like me, and a couple have forwarded my resume to other people, which is very unusual, but no one is willing to take the plunge to see if I can actually do the job.

One company rejected me, then called me a few weeks later, and I turned them down. Idiotic?  Yes, it was. I was recommended by friends for two other jobs, but rejected after the interview.  One because I was not certified to work in an insurance office, and I don't know why for the other.  Once, I was asked if I wanted to stay a couple of hours after an interview in a doctor's office to "get familiar with the office procedures." I had a notebook with me and took all kinds of notes, and even answered the phone.  Never heard from them again.  I don't think I scared anyone away, but who knows?

So, now I've decided to go back into retail, and applied to an open position where my son works, but they just filled the position the week before. Another man I met in a bar where I work part time offered me a job twice.  The last time he was with his wife, and both gave me their phone numbers.  When I called a few days later, they "just hired someone last week."  Why do people make offers just to rescind when actually faced with an acceptance?

Now, I feel like I've been out of work too long and employers are wary of that.  It's been over a year, and unemployment benefits have been cut off since December.  Apparently, retail is what I know best, but it kills me to go back to it.  I am tired of working weekends and holidays after 26 years.  Home Depot wanted to pay me $8.00 per hour part time.  Should I have accepted out of desperation?

My family tells me I talk everyone out of hiring me.  They want to hire me, and I tell them why I'm not the right person for the job.  I actually said to one man over the phone, "I don't think I'm the right person for this job."  What??  There is seriously something wrong with me! Instead of saying "I can do that!"  I say, "I've never done that."  I'm way too honest and need to learn to show more confidence in my abilities.

If I was younger, maybe I wouldn't have this problem.  If I was older I could collect Social Security. I'm stuck in the middle, and it's sad and frustrating that so many other people are in the same position.  All of the people I know would be an asset to anyone willing to take the plunge and hire an older, reliable worker.  I will do anything at this point and have started applying for anything I feel even slightly qualified for. My new response is, "Yes!  Absolutely, I can do that!  (There is a short training period, right?)"  "Scheduling?  Sure!!
(I can take some notes, right?)"  "Make coffee?  Of course! (As long as there is no other cooking involved.)"

My, I've done a lot of complaining here!  Sorry to bore readers with this stuff.  But, if a manager, or hiring person is reading this, take the time to consider an older, out of work employee.  They really are more dependable and would treasure the opportunity to work and be able to pay their bills!  Everyone needs to have an income that covers their expenses.  Our needs are really all the same.

How does one say goodbye to someone whose days are numbered?  Everyone knows that person is not going to be alive a couple of months from now, but no one can talk about it.  We all sit around the room together and see the elephant in the middle of the room, but we pretend it's not there.  Or, we hope maybe someone else will notice and start a dialogue.  We will pick up something in a store and think, "She may like this," then realize she will not be around to enjoy it.  Or see something in the house and think, she may be able to use this for her canning this summer, but realize again she will not be canning this summer. It's not an easy topic to approach, especially if there are unresolved issues that should be addressed so the person leaving this earth, leaves in peace, and we feel comfortable knowing they left us with a clean, forgiving heart and there is no guilt on either side.

I recently reached out to someone whose days are numbered because I couldn't stand the thought that she was leaving me and might not understand the hurt I felt about our relationship.  She might not understand how much I loved her and how betrayed I felt about many things in our lives that seemed unfair and unrealistic to me.  She will never know I discovered lies she told me and manipulations involving our family finances. For her peace, I would never tell her. In the end, I believe these things do not matter in the whole scheme of life.  The only thing that matters is the love we have for each other and the knowledge that we know we sometimes treat each other unfairly.  She apologized to me, freely and without prompting.  I had already told myself I wanted her to die in peace and I too would apologize for whatever part I played in this pattern of "he said, she said" behind the back talk.  It was a heart wrenching, powerful, life sucking moment, but one that needed to be experienced for the cleansing of both hearts.  The only way to deal with years of pain and misunderstanding is to let it go.  Truly let it go and move on, one day at a time.

Little, by little, I release a little more of past issues.  I believe I have let it go.  Sometimes it still creeps into my head, but I push it back.  Grudges suck our life and block our happiness. We shouldn't wait till the end of our lives to resolve our issues, and I try every day not to have issues to resolve!  Unfortunately, I like to say whatever is on my mind and have a dialogue with someone about it.  This is not something a lot of people feel comfortable with and I sometimes offend the very people I'm trying to be honest with to have a healthier relationship.

Relationships are tough and being honest with each other doesn't always work.  I can take criticism, but sometimes it has hurt.  But, I believe it makes me a better person to know the things I do that annoy others.  If I'm not told, I don't know that sometimes I can be totally annoying, when I think I'm tons of fun!  Saying the right words without offending is not easy, but we should all be open to hearing them and try to listen, absorb, and pay attention to our behavior. Then, try to be better, and let it go.  Let the past be the past, and make tomorrow better.

Life in general is not easy if we are trying every day to be the person we want to be...but life is meant to be lived and mistakes will be made. We can't beat ourselves up over our mistakes because they can always be corrected.  And we will continue to make them. We are human, after all, and we are really not that different.

Top of the mornin' to you on this day of Irish celebration when everyone is Irish!  The O'Smiths, O'Jones, O'Giavanni's, O'Chen's, O'Vladimir's, O'Goldsmith's, O'Garcia's, and yes, the Obama's  are all Irish today!  Green and proud, we stand as one nationality today.  A part of me thinks it would be wonderful if we supported each other every day, but that is not how America was started.  Plus, there would be way too much drinking and green outfits to contend with on a daily basis.

Diversity is what makes this country unique.  The differences of ideas, nationalities and traditions.  Gradually, we seem to be more open and accepting of differences in people, but it has taken hundreds of years.  Change is slow because not many people are open to it, and to many, change is scary because the outcome is unpredictable.  We need to know that our decisions are going to be beneficial and an improvement over our prior situation.  But, we can't know that unless we try it out first.

Basically, this is the same problem we all have in life.  If I make a decision, will it be the right one?  Will it be an improvement or a disaster?  The responsibility is overwhelming.  That's why I leave the decision-making to someone else.  I do not want to be responsible for getting it wrong.  It is so much easier just to say, "Hey!  It wasn't my decision!  I would have never done it that way!"  No one can blame me, and I have no guilt regarding the destruction the other person caused.  I can almost be the hero when they all come to me and say, "Eileen, we should have let you decide.  This disaster would have been avoided!"  And I can be all humble and say, "Yes, you're probably right.  It should have been me."  See how I dodged the bullet there?

Now, when it comes time for a new decision, we need a new excuse to avoid it and pass it to someone else.  Thinking of new ways of avoidance can be difficult, but not impossible.  I have used, "I have a terrible cold, which may have turned to pneumonia, and I need a LOT if rest."  Or, "I need to plan meals for the needy for the rest of the year."  Or, "I haven't cleaned my house in ages, and it will take me at least the rest of my life to get it in order."  See how easy that is?  Much easier than making a decision.

Therefore, on this St. Paddy's day, embrace the culture and exuberance of the Irish.  Think about also accepting and acknowledging the rest of American cultures in the future.  Life in this country and the world would be much more peaceful if we could be more tolerant of the differences in people.  And let someone else make the decisions!  That is just too much responsibility!  I should have applied that to a job offer I had recently when I told the man I was not the right person for the job.  What made me think I should make that decision??  See, that was just wrong and it won't happen again.  We all make mistakes.  Why?  Because we are all the basically the same.  Happy St. Paddy's Day!!

Spring has not sprung and winter is letting us know with a vengeance that it is not ready to go quietly. Cold weather just seems to exaggerate whatever is going on in our lives.  Somehow, flowers in bloom make everything else seem bearable. We can't make it happen, but wouldn't it be great if we could?

If you wake up without heat on a night it is a 0 degree wind chill, it's ok.  The sunshine will do its thing!  Poof! Flowers will start to grow.  If bad news arrives on a dreary day. It's ok.  The sun will come out to wake up the flowers. Sunshine and flowers are so cliche but so effective.

This year has been full of tragedy for so many people I know and love.  I lost two family members, one too young, and one very old. I'm about to lose another.  One of my friends is dealing with possibly losing her dear husband.  Winter makes these tragedies feel worse as it tends to make people not want to leave the house.  If we could get out and see each other on a beautiful day, these tragedies could be shared easily, and we wouldn't have to worry about the snow when planning a funeral. Snow was a factor in three of the funerals I attended this year which increased the anxiety of an already stressful situation.

But, I think we are over the hump and I'm pretty sure the light at the end of the tunnel is sunshine and not a freight train.  Just a few more weeks and we can emerge from hibernation and renew friendships with neighbors and all the people we have not made the effort to see because we haven't wanted to face the winter cold. We will feel the sun on our face, and the warm breeze blowing our hair. We get to wear flip flops again or no shoes at all.  We can walk on the beach in shorts.  And the best thing of all, we don't have to shovel any more snow.  But, wait, now we have to mow the lawn, and plant flowers, and water the lawn, and clean the grill, and paint the house, and slap the mosquitoes.

Yes, there is always work to do whatever season is here.  I guess it's a matter of preference, like everything else in life.  I prefer warm weather, so it never feels like work if I'm outside in the sun. Sunshine is rejuvenating, so I'm looking forward to lots of it.  My tragedies are not over, but the sun heals my wounded heart.  I can feel it on my skin, penetrating warmth that reaches my soul and soothes the pain. I am happy to see winter leave so the sun and flowers can brighten my every day.  I think we all need days that soothe us and remind us we are alive and grateful for whatever we find beautiful.  Whatever your preference is, we are really all the same.

Staying positive in the mist of a barrage of bad news is no easy task.  I have learned to spend less time thinking about bad news and more time focusing on the good.  Small things like "Hey!  I woke up this morning!  And my feet were above the ground!"  Or jumping on the scale and realizing I lost two ounces.  Sometimes making a dinner that everyone liked.  (This I want to mark on the calendar with a big star!)  Too many of us dwell on the the bad stuff around us and forget about the small things that make our life bearable or, dare I say, happy!

This week, two of my friends got jobs after being unemployed for several months.  They are happy with their new position in life, and this makes me happy.  Two other friends, lost important people in their lives, which makes me sad. But, death is part of life.  We need to deal with it because we are all coming to it eventually.  We will be sad, but life continues.  One of my friends had her first two grandchildren within two weeks of each other.  Life and death.  Joy and sorrow. The ying-yang of life.

Now, am I jealous of my younger friend that now has two grandchildren?  You betcha!!  Am I even close to being a grandmother?  Nope.  But, I find joy in the knowledge that maybe some day I may be lucky enough to experience that joy.  It gives me hope.  Looking forward to a special event, visible, such as an impending marriage, or not yet visible, like grandchildren, is the essence of life.  It is not traveling, or winning the Pulitzer, or winning the lottery that defines us.  It's the every day events that make us smile and give our life meaning.

I have a bucket list which I believed I needed to have completed before I die.  I found myself striving to check off the list and becoming frustrated because the bulk of the list I don't think I can ever accomplish.  Traveling is just not feasible when you're broke!  But, when we die, who cares?  I have had a marriage for almost 36 years.  I have raised two children who appear stable and well-adjusted.  (well, one out of two maybe) I have seen my parents and grandparents live long healthy lives.  I have a big extended family who are loving, caring and always around when they're needed.  My only hope is that I will be remembered as loving and caring as well.  A good mother, wife, sister, cousin, aunt, daughter and friend.  Feel free to put all of that on my tombstone!  I have never seen anything about people's other accomplishments at the grave site.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, we need to be happy with all the blessings we have that we tend to forget about, or not notice at all.  Just the fact that we have food every day and heat and a bed.  We can see and smell and feel and hear life all around us. How special is that?  Again, if we think about it, we are all blessed and we are all the same!

Dinner.  The most dreaded word in the human language; especially if you are the one that has the responsibility every night of deciding and answering the question of, "What's for dinner?" I would be happy with wine and chocolate every night. I don't understand why no one else would!

Chocolate can come in different colors, and wine comes in red and white. And wine is made from grapes which counts as fruit.  There are many levels to the food group pyramid that include fruits and vegetables, meat and protein, dairy, etc.  Why can't there be a colorful food group?  We can put the candy right in that group, which includes chocolate.  Wine is often paired with chocolate.  There are books written about them, as well as wine tastings that include samples of the correct chocolate to enhance the essence of a particular wine.

Of course, dark chocolate is considered better for us than milk chocolate, and I prefer milk. Red wine is considered better than white for our blood, and I prefer white.  Milk chocolate, I would assume has milk in it, so perhaps that could go in the dairy group. Another level of the pyramid would be conquered!  So dairy and fruit is covered in one meal!  I think we've got dinner!

Then, I would have the daunting task of deciding which chocolate goes with which wine! Can I use a handful of M&M's with a rose colored wine? Would Snickers go with a chardonnay? Baby Ruth with a Pinot Noir? Now, I'm getting nervous again.  This is almost as bad as deciding what's for dinner.

Another alternative I have used sometimes is making one meal for the entire week.  That would require only deciding four meals a month.  This idea is not too hard to swallow, no pun intended.  (Well, maybe a little intended.)  So, we would only have to decide 52 meals a year!  Oh, dear, let's go back to one meal a week. I need to do this one step at a time.

So, this week I made a turkey with all the trimmings.  The only thing I may have to do the rest of the week is make a new vegetable.  By Friday I will hear, "But we've had this five days in a row!"  I will reply, "No, the vegetables have been different every night!  And soon, I'm making something new that you can have six days in a row!  Maybe a giant meatloaf!"

I love this job! It's hard to believe I've been doing this for 35 years. When can I stop?  I think most women feel the same way.  We're really not that different! 

On "Throwback Thursday" I become very melancholy.  I enjoy looking at the old pictures people post and I think about the good old days.  I remember some events from my young days, but not much. I do know, they were really the best times because jobs were easier to find, houses were easier to buy, and toys for kids were simple and affordable.  Children were more in tune to their youth and definitely played more outside and didn't have a thousand scheduled extra activities.  The only extra activity I had was the Girl Scouts. During that time, we actually had to earn the badge. I learned so much from this organization during a time when life was much more laid back and mothers were home all day.

Unfortunately, the dangers that existed all around us were not emphasized as they are today.  We actually went door-to-door selling our cookies, without an adult accompanying us. I encountered an experience at one house that forced my parents to forbid me to go around by myself any more. A young man exposed himself to me, but I couldn't remember which house it was!  It could have ended much worse, and I was fortunate.  Because my parents were uncomfortable asking people to buy girl scout cookies, I was never able to reach my "quota" after that.  I also remember the boxes being around 25 cents, which is a far cry from $4 a box containing only about ten cookies!

I also remember bangs.  Young girls all had bangs about one inch long that were never cut straight and were usually longer on one side.  Most of our mothers cut our bangs, and usually right before school pictures.  Because my forehead is gigantic, and the bangs were so short, my huge forehead became the focal point of all the pictures.  Also, my eyes were already big and looked even bigger.  This earned me the nickname "headlights".  Between the call of "headlights" and the rhyming nickname, "Benedetti Spaghetti",  I was not a happy child with those silly bangs!

But, I grew up anyway and I was not psychologically marred for life.  The uncomfortable embarrassments of our childhood, and some unfortunate situations, are all part of becoming responsible adults.  My parents never fought my battles for me, and I never expected them to do that.  Of course, I am not talking about serious situations that do require parent intervention. It seems parents today are so ready to jump in at the least infraction toward their children, especially when it comes to their teachers.  I had some terrible teachers, but I knew I had to plug through and do the best I could.  And my word over the teachers?  Forget it.  The teacher was always right and I was in trouble. Bullies?  I was bullied in Kindergarten.  The teachers watched out for me and I got through it.  I know I was only five, but it was serious and involved torn dresses and my head pushed into a tree.  I think because I was so naive, and definitely blonde, that I disregarded the whole thing and had no trouble in my later years.  No deep depression, and no brain damage from being hit by a tree. (Well, the verdict is still out on that one!!)

I know nothing stays the same and life is constantly changing.  We all long to go back to a simpler time.  The only way to get through it is to accept the changes and try to go ahead with them. When one plan doesn't work, "make a new plan, Stan."  I'm still working on a new plan, but my problem is I'm lazy and lack the self-confidence to move ahead.  Once we conquer our fear of failure, keep getting up when we just want to stay down, and look life in the eye and spit at it, we can put the plan into action. That's life!

     I'm not sure if anyone is reading this blog, but I continue to write because I enjoy talking about life.  The more people I talk to and the older I get, the more I realize the sameness of everyone.  We have similar thoughts, secrets, and silly things we do and say. I just happen to like to write about it and every other random thought that enters my head!

     As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I am unemployed and have been for over a year.  This is on my mind every day because now I have no income other than my husband's social security.  Yesterday I had another interview 26 miles away.  It took me over an hour to get there and all I thought about was how long it would take me to get there when it snowed.  Last night, I plotted several other routes for me to travel which would take about 45 minutes.  At this time in my life, I want a job around the corner, doesn't require much thought, and most of our time is spent standing around and talking while drinking coffee.  That's what it looks like on TV.  I guess I'm confusing reality TV with reality.  Reality is, I'm getting very good at interviews.  I've had seven phone interviews, a few which led to face-to-face, and over 20 other interviews in the last 12 months.  Several of these interviews were with the same company.  I have had a couple of offers, but two were for under $10 and hour, and one I'm still kicking myself for not accepting, even though the offer wasn't quite what I needed financially.

   I have been asking myself what is wrong with me?  I feel I can do any job I've applied to with a little training.  I am not too confident with Excel and all the nuances of Word and Outlook, but I'm sure working with them every day would become easier.  My son says he can hear the lack of confidence in my voice.  Is that the problem?  I don't appear confident?  Or could it be my age?  I could retire in five years, but I didn't plan to do that. Maybe an older woman is intimidating and considered a bad investment.  I just wish I could get feedback, or even a letter of rejection once in a while.  Why do companies not let you know when the position has been filled, and you were not selected?  The wait would not be such torture if we were notified one way or the other.

     I find I complain about this an awful lot.  Since I don't like to be "that person", I plan to complain only to the people who want to complain with me.  So now I will go take a shower with the power head turned to high, open my mouth and let my teeth be water picked.  I may brush them later too. People who spend too much time at home find fun things like this to do!  Yep, we're really all the same!

     For some reason, I could not sleep past 5am today.  I guess my son yelling downstairs to ask my mother-in-law why she was up so early and did she know it was only 5am, was the reason I woke up in the first place.  Apparently, she did not know it was that early and I can hear her snoring away two hours later. As for me, I decided to get up and get a chance to see yet another snowstorm before it ended early enough to be missed by normal people sleeping normal hours.

     So, for the past two hours, I have eaten breakfast, folded clothes, and sewn a hem in a pair of pants while watching "I Love Lucy" reruns.  Although I used to love this show, I felt very uncomfortable watching it again for the first time after all these years.  The dynamics between men and women 50 years ago was hard to watch.  I saw Lucy making breakfast, lunch, and dinner, ironing, cleaning, and obeying every command Ricky made.  He came home from work and napped before dinner. He handled all the money and she had to account for the amount she asked for and what she spent.  Some of their arguments were painful because it was obvious there was not a partnership because Ricky always had the final say.  Her little attempts at defiance were meant to be funny, but the important things in their lives were always decided by the "man of the house."

     My dad never wanted my mom to learn to drive, so she did it on her own.  He was not happy.  He did not want her to get a job.  She did it anyway, and loved it.  She worked part time in the evening after dad got home.  He was not happy. She still cooked, cleaned, ironed, and took care of four children, but her life was enriched by getting out to work with people her own age and having her own money.  She was a better mother because of it.

     It amazes me how far men and women have come through the years.  Most men definitely participate more in household chores and are more involved with their children.  Of course, this may have something to do with the fact that most women work outside of the home today and are not willing to do everything else that needs to be done to maintain a home. This was always a bone of contention between my husband and me. I worked and still had to do everything around the house.  He never wanted to help with chores. I believe he didn't know how he was supposed to behave or how to help, although I told him many times.  I was so angry all the time.

    Unfortunately, we are what we see.  He was raised by a mother who took orders from her husband and her two sons.  She never worked and all her time was spent keeping a perfect house.  She never had an outside interest, had no desire to travel, and never participated in anything involving school or community.  He assumed all women were like this and had a bit of a rude awakening when he married me and asked me to get up to get him a glass of milk soon after we were married.  I don't remember my exact response, but I know it was one he will never forget.  Then my mother-in-law told me I was his wife and a very cold person, and proceeded to get him what he asked for.  I must mention we lived with my in-laws for a couple of years while we saved money for a house. His mother continued to wait on him because I refused.  I refused and he was very confused because I was defusing his notion about women.

     I'm sure many women would love to be able to stay home just because it's nice to be able to do what we want, whenever we want, and it's easier to take care of children and the home if we have all day.  In the world we live in today, it is not often possible.  I don't know many women who have the luxury of keeping the money they make if they work at a job that pays them.  At least some of it goes toward the bills, or groceries, or something for the children. In today's world, most families require two incomes.  Of course, I've often told my husband we don't need two cars, or 800 channels, or heat and air conditioning.  He disagrees, and I let him win on this one.  I do pick my battles, but I don't see how people got away with one car years ago, and every person that drives in the family today needs a car.  He doesn't work anymore, why does he need a car?  Can't we be a little inconvenienced and drive each other where we need to go, or schedule our time around the use of the car?  He tells me I'm cheap and unreasonable.  Maybe.  But, when there is a shortage of money, compromises are necessary.  We will never agree on this one.  Life is difficult sometimes and rarely fair.  I think we can all agree on that!

     Since my mother passed away last month, I've started going back to church.  Our religion was very important to her, and I believe I am honoring her, and myself, by giving church another try.  The Gospel today talked about sins.  I always thought I was pretty good at not sinning, but it turns out there are other sins I forgot about that I may have committed.  I have never coveted my neighbors husband, although he is very handsome.  I've never stolen their beautiful car, even though it is much newer and nicer than mine.  I've never lied to them about wanting to steal their car.  But, if I feel it in my heart, and never told them, apparently it is a lie of omission.  In truth, I have stolen money from my husband, then lied about it.  I have secretly wanted to make love to George Clooney, so I have committed adultery in my heart. I think the only big commandment I have not actually committed is murder.  Although, I have wanted to murder certain people.  I guess the intent is there, so I think I'm toast when it comes to getting into heaven.

     As I said,  there are other less serious sins.  These are the ones I forgot about. The minister said that men commit lust more than women, no surprise here,  and women commit the sin of pride more than men.  Gluttony is my problem.  I love to eat, and never want to stop.  Even when I'm full, I continue to look for food to eat. Last night, I had just gotten back from eating a wonderful dinner, found some macaroni and cheese in the fridge that my son had brought home from his night out, and ate it! I didn't even ask him.  When he went to look for it later, I wanted to lie, but couldn't really blame anyone but the cat, and he didn't believe me when I tried to do that once before. He was pretty angry, and I don't blame him. I think I would have committed the sin of murder if someone had taken my food that I was looking forwarding to eating.

     I'm not sure why I want to eat all the time.  Fortunately, I'm only about 15 pounds overweight, but I could very easily become obese if I totally ignored what I put in my mouth.  I try to be careful, but I get out of control sometimes.  I also enjoy snacks more than real food.  Not that that's makes a difference, because too much of any food, good or bad,  can be trouble.  I love all things white, or made with white flour.  Bread, potatoes, cake, cookies, muffins, pie, pancakes, waffles, etc.  Also, things of other colors such as brownies, ice cream, fudge and candy, especially chocolate.  This makes it very difficult to be reasonable when it comes to eating properly.  It is easier to choose evil over good. Anything that tastes good, is bad.

     So, I have a daunting task ahead of me.  I have to control my mind.  I can't think how envious I am of people who are working, enjoy their job, and have no problem going out and buying groceries without having to use their credit card.  I can't begrudge the person who can eat whatever they want, and never gain an ounce. I can't wish I had something I can't have.  I'm sure there is a sin there somewhere for wishing we had something we can't have.  And I can't think about how cute George Clooney is and how different my life would be if we were married!  How can we control our minds?  We are all sinners.  But, we are also inwardly good people who want to be better.  I have seen so many random acts of kindness from so many different types of people that it is difficult to believe most of us are not going to heaven.  I believe we are going to heaven.  We are human.  We are flawed.  And, basically, we are really not that much different.

So the "lover's holiday" is over.  Because I'm unemployed, rarely leave the house, and have had no income for almost two months, I decided to make a heart-shaped chocolate cake, a cherry pie with hearts carved into the crust, and a home made card.  It was kind of fun designing the card and baking desserts instead of spending money and time in a store just buying these things.  My husband made dinner, and we ate by candlelight, with my mother-in-law.  Then no one wanted dessert and discussed how they needed to watch their weight.  How romantic it all was watching my mother-in-law try to slice her pork chop and complain how tough it was. Then, hearing my husband say, "Can't we turn a light on?  It's dark in here."  So romantic.
I asked my husband if he liked his card, and he said it was OK.  He, of course, got me a pretty bouquet and a beautiful store bought card.  The verse was loving and touched my heart. I know I spent more time designing and writing the verse for his card, and I had hoped he would get more excited over the effort, but this did not happen.  We spent the rest of the evening watching TV.  He watched the Olympics downstairs, and I watched "The Notebook" upstairs. (I grabbed a shot, or two, of vodka sometime during this)  Such a romantic evening!
This morning, we woke up together for the first time in a long time.  He told me to be ready by 4:15 today cause he was taking me out.  It's a big secret, but apparently it's some place I like.  I hope it's Florida so I can escape the snow that is coming AGAIN for the third time this week!  Since we have no extra money, I know it's not Florida, and not a Bed and Breakfast, or dinner because it's too early, so it might be a movie.  But, not just any movie!  A movie in a theater that has reclining seats!  Seats that are leather and soft and are just like a recliner in your house and go all the way back!  Only these seats are better because there is a giant screen in front of you and popcorn  from a popcorn popping machine! I don't even care what movie is on the screen!  Just to be able to sit back, and not be interrupted by anyone and no phones to answer, would be heaven. It really doesn't take much to get me excited!
Valentine's day is not just for lovers, but people who are in love.  People who are in love with their children, parents, grandchildren, and friends. It is a day to be reminded of this love.  Unfortunately, single people feel alone on this day proclaimed "for lovers."  This is a day to spend with family and recognizing the love all around us.  This should be done every day, but life gets in the way.  So, Valentine's Day reminds us to look for the love and recognize it in every form. In smiles, and hugs, or a card from our niece or nephew.  This is love and blessings.  Single people of the world should rejoice!  They don't have any pressure on this day to worry about what to buy, or how to they should spend their time.  It's just another day to show the people around you how much you love them.

Valentines Day is coming and our thoughts turn to love and romance.  I think about all the times my husband does things for me without an excuse.  He is definitely the more romantic one, although I like to think I taught him to be more sensitive.  Early in our relationship, we've been together for 45 years and married for 35 years, I was the one who planned the romantic dinners at home, sent cards for no occasion, and booked overnights when celebrating something special.  I wrote poetry and made cards as well.
He came from a pretty dysfunctional family where his mother's life revolved around cooking and cleaning for the family.  That's all she ever did.  And nagged her husband. Incessantly nagged him.  He died at 56.  I think he was nagged to death!  There was never a kind word spoken between them.  No celebration of birthdays or anniversaries. No special cards. No words of love ever between each other, and no hugs.
My family was very Italian.  We hug strangers.  My parents held hands, and always gave each other cards.  They kissed each other hello and goodbye and were married for 59 years.  We were close to aunts, uncles, and cousins.
When I met my husband, I asked him if he ever told his parents he loved them.  He said they knew it, and didn't have to say it.  I asked his dad if he ever told his children he loved them.  He said they knew it, and didn't have to say it. At least they were on the same page.
I was appalled when he told me holidays were no big deal and meant nothing to him.  In contrast, my mother always made a big deal on the holidays.  Because my husband's mother hated to cook, if her children were going somewhere, she didn't bother to make Thanksgiving, Christmas or Easter dinner.  Before we were married, my mom always insisted I invite the parents to dinner so my father-in-law would have a good meal on the holiday.  After we were married, the in-laws came to our house, my brother-in-law's, or we went out to dinner.  She has never cooked a holiday meal!
Of course, after we were together for several years, my husband became very involved with holidays and special occasions. He now plans and makes a bigger deal than I do!  He loves to be with our family, even when it may be difficult for everyone to be together.  There is no way he will substitute another day for the actual holiday!  The holiday is the holiday!
So even though we have not grown to look alike, as they say people do who have been together for years, our sensitivity and beliefs tend to be assimilated into each other.  Sometimes his romance overwhelms me.  Like the five love CD's he made for me, or the special Christmas CD's, or his insistence that we spend more time together by going to the movies, or retiring to bed early.  Most of the time, all I want to do is sit by myself watching a movie while sipping wine, or just reading a good book.  I guess I should appreciate the attention, but after so many years, I just want my time.  Sounds selfish, I know, and I'm working on being more in tune to his needs.  But, I really like my alone time! Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Today is a great day! Job interview this afternoon thanks to a recommendation by a good friend.  Two other possible jobs recommended by two other friends.  Good news for someone who has been unemployed for over a year and has had no income for seven weeks.
Unfortunately, the diet is not going as well.  Apparently, I like colorful foods like Swedish Fish, Tostitos and salsa, and peanut M & M's.  I've tried to pretend these are part of the "colorful" food group, but others have informed me this group is not part of the food pyramid. But, they look so pretty altogether in dishes!
Each morning I wake up with a plan.  Today is the day I eat only healthy food, and I will take a 45 minute walk. I will take all my vitamins, brush my teeth two times today, floss, and maybe even shower.  When there is no where to be at any given time, this sounds like a good plan that can be stretched out over the day.  I did not add chores to the list because that would be too much to expect any person to do in one day!
So, I get up, have a cup of coffee, eat oatmeal with fruit, and feel very proud of myself.  Then I need a snack as a reward. So, peanut butter and bananas is next.  Healthy, right?  Well, there is only one donut left and it's only the hole, so I should eat that so it doesn't go to waste. Now, it is lunch time.  Great!! There is some French bread left over from last night. I'll just have a couple pieces of that because it's lunch time so I'm good.  Hate to see this bread having to be thrown away.  I should probably have something else with the bread.  Left over mashed potatoes sound good.  It would probably get thrown away if I didn't eat it.  I need something crunchy.  Who left the Tostitos out?  This is bad, I better put them away, as I shove a couple of handfuls in my mouth.  It's crunchy.  What??  Only a little kettle popcorn left in this bag.  That's not good.  I better finish it off.  How bad can it be if it has corn in it?
I hope it's supper time now, because I have gone a little off the diet.  I should probably not eat supper.  But, I do.  And later, I grab some Swedish Fish.  I see why the diet is not going well.  I have no will power!!! And, I love junk food!  What happened to my walk?  Did I run out of day light trying to figure out what I could eat next??
Alternately, my husband started smoking this year.  He is 61.  Who does this???  He has always been thin and has never had to diet.  He eats whatever he wants, but he does not overdo the snacks.  It's still annoying that we can eat the same food in a day, and he will maintain and I will gain.  I am upset that he is smoking and I can't stand to watch him.  So I close the curtains.  But, I am considering starting to smoke because I hear it kills your appetite.  So instead of dying from high blood pressure or diabetes, I will probably get something else.  But, I will look nice and thin before that.  That's a bit warped, but I'm trying to motivate myself to start eating properly.  I think I just need a job.  Being busy keeps me more in control.  Too much time just makes me wonder what I can eat next.
I suspect we're really all the same when it comes to dieting.

Today would have been another "all day in pajamas", but I actually have somewhere to go.  So that means getting dressed, unless I'm going to WalMart.  We do not need to dress for WalMart.  Since I'm not headed to WalMart because one actually goes there to buy something, and I haven't had any income for over 6 weeks to allow me that luxury, I really need to get dressed.  WalMart is not a place people go to window shop, by the way.
So, today is the day I get to pick up my "Manufacturing" certificate.  I actually am now a certified "Production Technician."  I took this class because it was offered as a free course through unemployment and we were all promised offers of jobs at the end.  I did not want to work in a factory, but hoped I could get a job in the office of a factory because I would have the knowledge of production and safety rules, along with office skills. As usual, this plan did not work.  And, as far as I know, no one has a job of the ten people completing the course.  One firm interviewed me five times for two different office jobs, and I have not heard from them.  As far as I know, I was not interviewing to be President of the company...just someone who answers phones and has basic office skills.  Seriously...five times?
Normally, if I have no where to go, I don't bother to dress or comb my hair, or much of anything.  My bones actually ache from sitting and doing nothing.  This is very bad, so for the past few days I have been forcing myself to make plans so I am motivated to move.  I even had company one day which gave me incentive to clean and wipe things that hadn't seen a wet rag in months!  I never get company because I live in the woods and people tell me they can't find my house. Yea, right.  But, I am off the beaten path, so it's really not convenient to visit without a purpose.  I would think my face would be a purpose, but it is apparently not something people are interested in seeing.  Can't say I blame them.  I don't even like seeing my face!! And if I forget to use my "beauty cream"...forget it!  The whole face falls down!
As I said many times, we're really all the same.  When I surprise visited one of my friends one afternoon recently, she and her daughter were still in their pj's!  I'm sure most people do the same thing when they have no where to go. Unfortunately, five days in your pj's is unacceptable. I will work on that!

Life. We're really not that different!: Still trying to get the hang of this... Will this ...

Life. We're really not that different! 

This is getting ridiculous, I cannot figure out how to do a new post.  I've done two so far, but each time I struggle to figure out how to do the next one.

Today was a good day.  Church with friends, breakfast after, visited a friend who has seven chickens who live in a house nicer than mine (the chickens that is), got some fresh eggs, then visited another friend who is struggling with accepting the fact that her husband has brain cancer.  I gave her the eggs and told her they were fresh from chickens. Of course I forgot all eggs we eat are from chickens.  I got a funny look after that statement, so I clarified, "I mean they are fresh from real chickens."  Of course, are there fake chickens?  "I mean they were just laid and collected by my friend who has seven chickens living in a house in her back yard."  No they were not laid by my friend, they were laid by the chickens.  And the chickens live in a beautiful house in her back yard.  No, not a people house, a chicken house.  A beautiful chicken house that was built for the chickens.  I give up!  Just eat the eggs!  In return,  I got to take home some homemade pepperoni bread.  Yes, bread made at home by her wonderful husband who is feeling great.  He loaded the bread with prosciutto, pepperoni, and roasted red peppers. I may have gained a few pounds after today! So far the diet thing is not going so well, but I will continue to visit my friends till they tell me not to! After all, I have not been out of the house, or my pajamas, for several days.  I'll leave the reason for this for another time. Don't let your minds run wild.  Or, you can.  But remember, we're really not that different, so the reason is simple.

Still trying to get the hang of this... Will this appear on my blog? I have so much to say because I'm a frustrated, unemployed person with too much time on my hands. I have many coworkers in my boat. Congress did not pass the unemployment extension we all need to get us through and it amazes me how insensitive some of our leaders are to the plight of the unemployed. I will have to work 3 part time jobs at a rate of no more than $10 an hour in order to pay my bills. Few places offer full time, or they start off as a temp job, then decide not to hire after 3 months so benefits do not kick in. I was on unemployment for a year, but worked part time during the summer, which extended my benefits slightly. I was barely into my second extension when Congress decided to drop all extensions. I have had no income for 6 weeks. I have applied to over 70 businesses, have enrolled in 4 employment agencies, and have been to seminars at unemployment for resume writing, interviewing, and networking. I have taken classes in Microsoft Office and Manufacturing. I have a college degree and 26 years experience in retail. I do not want to go back into retail, which is why I decided to learn Microsoft Office. I have had many interviews, but only 3 offers. Two of these were in retail part time for $8 and $9. One was a great one near home, but when I asked if we could negotiate the salary they "decided to go in a different direction" which was not hire me. My point is, I hear so many people say that those on unemployment do not want to work and are lazy. Obviously, I don't believe this is true and most people need a job to survive. Unemployed people are not happy and would rather be working. The competition is unbelievable. One person was hired over me because he spoke Chinese! Seriously? I did not know this was necessary skill! I'm really not sure if it's me or the fact that I am 61. I don't look too bad do I? I'm healthy, energetic, and love working. I plan to work as long as I can so a company can get at least 5 years out of me! How many people stay at a job this long these days? Done complaining! Let's see if this post works. Love to hear some opinions about this. Be gentle!!