Valentines Day is coming and our thoughts turn to love and romance.  I think about all the times my husband does things for me without an excuse.  He is definitely the more romantic one, although I like to think I taught him to be more sensitive.  Early in our relationship, we've been together for 45 years and married for 35 years, I was the one who planned the romantic dinners at home, sent cards for no occasion, and booked overnights when celebrating something special.  I wrote poetry and made cards as well.
He came from a pretty dysfunctional family where his mother's life revolved around cooking and cleaning for the family.  That's all she ever did.  And nagged her husband. Incessantly nagged him.  He died at 56.  I think he was nagged to death!  There was never a kind word spoken between them.  No celebration of birthdays or anniversaries. No special cards. No words of love ever between each other, and no hugs.
My family was very Italian.  We hug strangers.  My parents held hands, and always gave each other cards.  They kissed each other hello and goodbye and were married for 59 years.  We were close to aunts, uncles, and cousins.
When I met my husband, I asked him if he ever told his parents he loved them.  He said they knew it, and didn't have to say it.  I asked his dad if he ever told his children he loved them.  He said they knew it, and didn't have to say it. At least they were on the same page.
I was appalled when he told me holidays were no big deal and meant nothing to him.  In contrast, my mother always made a big deal on the holidays.  Because my husband's mother hated to cook, if her children were going somewhere, she didn't bother to make Thanksgiving, Christmas or Easter dinner.  Before we were married, my mom always insisted I invite the parents to dinner so my father-in-law would have a good meal on the holiday.  After we were married, the in-laws came to our house, my brother-in-law's, or we went out to dinner.  She has never cooked a holiday meal!
Of course, after we were together for several years, my husband became very involved with holidays and special occasions. He now plans and makes a bigger deal than I do!  He loves to be with our family, even when it may be difficult for everyone to be together.  There is no way he will substitute another day for the actual holiday!  The holiday is the holiday!
So even though we have not grown to look alike, as they say people do who have been together for years, our sensitivity and beliefs tend to be assimilated into each other.  Sometimes his romance overwhelms me.  Like the five love CD's he made for me, or the special Christmas CD's, or his insistence that we spend more time together by going to the movies, or retiring to bed early.  Most of the time, all I want to do is sit by myself watching a movie while sipping wine, or just reading a good book.  I guess I should appreciate the attention, but after so many years, I just want my time.  Sounds selfish, I know, and I'm working on being more in tune to his needs.  But, I really like my alone time! Happy Valentine's Day!!!