Love can be a beautiful thing, if we are with the right person.  I know many excellent couples who have been married for over 20 years, still enjoy each others' company, and respect and support each other.  I know other couples who couldn't wait to get married and realized after the "magical" wedding was over, life begins, and it isn't easy to maintain that passion.

I have been married for almost 36 years, and I realized early on it was going to be a struggle.  Living with your in-laws for almost three years didn't help.  If you can live through that, you can live through anything!  I would not recommend doing that.  We were both working and could afford a place of our own, but I don't think my husband was ready to leave his mother.  So he had two women taking care of him, one doing the cooking, cleaning and laundry the way he liked, the other doing the other things men like, if you know what I mean?  That's right. Sharing a life with his mother and still dating.  His reasoning for this arrangement was to allow us to save for a house of our own. Two women in the same house sharing one man.  I was young, what can I say?  I was angry a lot, but we did save and eventually build our own home.  I'm reasonably sure he didn't want to move.  He had a pretty sweet thing going on.

Life and relationships are never easy and cannot be maintained unless each person works at it.  When the children come, it gets even more crowded and emotions are divided.  I remember my mom telling me after she had her first child, my dad was a little jealous.  Mom used to shine his shoes and lay out his clothes for work.  When the baby came, she had less time to devote to her husband.  Of course, he was a great dad, eventually understood, and proceeded to have three more kids after the first one arrived.  My husband was in shock after our first arrived and had difficulty with the realization he was a dad and totally responsible for another human being!

It has taken years for us to adjust to new adventures in life and learn to depend on each other for support.  We have a good relationship because I have maintained a little independence and always make time for my friends and family.  My whole life used to be wrapped around his and the children.  Most decisions were made by him.  But, I have never liked being told what to do, and when he realized one day I was doing things my way for once, he was not happy.  He has accepted who I am now, that I like doing things without him sometimes and I am happy, but he liked things the way they were before I made any objections. Now our biggest conflict is deciding whether to get hardwood floors or new rugs.  I don't want rugs.  This may be a bigger hurdle than I originally thought!

Marriage is a lot of give and take and it should be equal on both sides.  There is pain, joy, compassion, and compromise.  In the heart of it is remembering the love that brought us together.  It doesn't die, it just gets buried in the weeds if no one is pulling them out to help it grow.  Anger is passion, but it should not override love.  Get on with the anger, work through it, and remember the person you committed to love in your vows. Anger is the reason for gun control, so married couples should not own one.  We might forget in the heat of the moment who we are aiming for!

Knives should be locked up too.  I once threatened my husband with one.  He never knew before he locked himself in the bedroom that it was only a butter knife.  I'm afraid of real knives, and never even use a big one to chop vegetables!  He told me I was crazy, and maybe at that moment I was.  But, he never did whatever it was that made me so angry again!

Therefore, as spring continues to renew life around us, and the sun gets warmer, remember to breath some life into all our relationships.  Forget yesterday, and look at the new life ahead.  If we were all more tolerant, we could end wars!  I know that is an ambitious thought, so lets just start at home.  Life is not that different for any of us.