Since my mother passed away last month, I've started going back to church.  Our religion was very important to her, and I believe I am honoring her, and myself, by giving church another try.  The Gospel today talked about sins.  I always thought I was pretty good at not sinning, but it turns out there are other sins I forgot about that I may have committed.  I have never coveted my neighbors husband, although he is very handsome.  I've never stolen their beautiful car, even though it is much newer and nicer than mine.  I've never lied to them about wanting to steal their car.  But, if I feel it in my heart, and never told them, apparently it is a lie of omission.  In truth, I have stolen money from my husband, then lied about it.  I have secretly wanted to make love to George Clooney, so I have committed adultery in my heart. I think the only big commandment I have not actually committed is murder.  Although, I have wanted to murder certain people.  I guess the intent is there, so I think I'm toast when it comes to getting into heaven.

     As I said,  there are other less serious sins.  These are the ones I forgot about. The minister said that men commit lust more than women, no surprise here,  and women commit the sin of pride more than men.  Gluttony is my problem.  I love to eat, and never want to stop.  Even when I'm full, I continue to look for food to eat. Last night, I had just gotten back from eating a wonderful dinner, found some macaroni and cheese in the fridge that my son had brought home from his night out, and ate it! I didn't even ask him.  When he went to look for it later, I wanted to lie, but couldn't really blame anyone but the cat, and he didn't believe me when I tried to do that once before. He was pretty angry, and I don't blame him. I think I would have committed the sin of murder if someone had taken my food that I was looking forwarding to eating.

     I'm not sure why I want to eat all the time.  Fortunately, I'm only about 15 pounds overweight, but I could very easily become obese if I totally ignored what I put in my mouth.  I try to be careful, but I get out of control sometimes.  I also enjoy snacks more than real food.  Not that that's makes a difference, because too much of any food, good or bad,  can be trouble.  I love all things white, or made with white flour.  Bread, potatoes, cake, cookies, muffins, pie, pancakes, waffles, etc.  Also, things of other colors such as brownies, ice cream, fudge and candy, especially chocolate.  This makes it very difficult to be reasonable when it comes to eating properly.  It is easier to choose evil over good. Anything that tastes good, is bad.

     So, I have a daunting task ahead of me.  I have to control my mind.  I can't think how envious I am of people who are working, enjoy their job, and have no problem going out and buying groceries without having to use their credit card.  I can't begrudge the person who can eat whatever they want, and never gain an ounce. I can't wish I had something I can't have.  I'm sure there is a sin there somewhere for wishing we had something we can't have.  And I can't think about how cute George Clooney is and how different my life would be if we were married!  How can we control our minds?  We are all sinners.  But, we are also inwardly good people who want to be better.  I have seen so many random acts of kindness from so many different types of people that it is difficult to believe most of us are not going to heaven.  I believe we are going to heaven.  We are human.  We are flawed.  And, basically, we are really not that much different.