Saying Goodbye To a Loved One

It will be one year since my sister passed on May 29.  I now have another friend who is reaching the end of his life.  It feels so important to say how I feel.  I'm not sure why.  Saying goodbye is never easy, whether it is the end of a life, a relationship, or someone we know we may not see again for a long time, or ever.

My sister lived 3000 miles away, so the distance itself was difficult.  I visited her twice in three months because I knew she didn't have much time left.  When the end was closer than I knew, I was surprised.  I called her one night to see how she was doing, and her good friend answered the phone and told me she was unable to talk.  But, I had so much left to say, I thought.  Not knowing how much time was left, I decided to send off an email.  My niece was reading the letters and emails to her mom.

Recently, I was cleaning up my emails, which I do quite often.  Somehow, I found the email I sent my sister almost a year ago.  It was strange because I delete my emails monthly, and I don't know how I found this one.  Reading it over made me sad and realize the anniversary was approaching.  I would like to share part of it because it made me realize, again, that the "traumas" of every day life are not important.  The slights, misunderstandings, hurtful words, and anger we feel is so petty.  Good relationships and openly telling each other how we lovingly feel allow us to go through life with no regrets.  Why be angry or resentful?  As the song says, "let it go."  In the end, none of it matters.  So here is part of my letter.

"First I want to say how happy I am that you have a friend as good as ...   She has been by your side through most of this and your biggest champion....I think if we were closer, things would be different, but at this stage it doesn't matter.  We don't choose our family, but we choose our friends, and because they are not related by blood, doesn't mean we love them any less.  I am happy you have someone like your best friend to help you through this.  She is a blessing and I am grateful to her for all that she has done.

When I received your text the other night, I was working...  For some reason I completely fell apart and could not work another minute.  Everything leading up to this development has not been reality to me.  The reality hit me suddenly.  I guess I have been in denial mode.  I suddenly realized I am losing my sister too soon.  All the "stuff" we've been through over the years is not important.  The only thing that matters is we are sisters, and we have always loved each other.  I want you to feel peace and contentment knowing I have released all the bad feelings I had.... I only feel love for you and grateful for the times we got to spend together and all the wonderful things you have done for me.  Thank you for that, and for taking card of our parents....

...I wish I was there to be able to hold your hand and share another glass of wine.  I hope you are peaceful.  I understand heaven is a beautiful and wonderful place.  Dad always said, "No one has ever come back!"  I hope you are not afraid.  I am looking forward to seeing everyone again some day.  It must be so hard for you, but you are strong, spiritual, and loved.  You can do this with the grace you have had your whole life.  I have always thought you can do anything. And you can!  I love you, my sweet sister.  I wish you peace.

My sister passed away the very next day, possibly hours after hearing this email.  What a relief to me to be have been able to say what was in my heart.  Why do we wait so long to express ourselves?  My sister told me she wasn't good with words, or expressing herself.  But, there are letters and emails and notes we can write to each other.  I could never quite grasp that a life was coming to an end until it could no longer be denied.  I had ignored it and denied it for months.  But, I learned the importance of appreciating each day, good or bad, and relishing time spent with friends and family.  It sounds so cliche, but it is so profound.  I try to find time for everyone in my life.  My husband tells me I try to hard and stretch myself too thin.  I told him seeing family and friends makes me happy and appreciate my life.  If I make all the effort, maybe I will be remembered