How does one say goodbye to someone whose days are numbered?  Everyone knows that person is not going to be alive a couple of months from now, but no one can talk about it.  We all sit around the room together and see the elephant in the middle of the room, but we pretend it's not there.  Or, we hope maybe someone else will notice and start a dialogue.  We will pick up something in a store and think, "She may like this," then realize she will not be around to enjoy it.  Or see something in the house and think, she may be able to use this for her canning this summer, but realize again she will not be canning this summer. It's not an easy topic to approach, especially if there are unresolved issues that should be addressed so the person leaving this earth, leaves in peace, and we feel comfortable knowing they left us with a clean, forgiving heart and there is no guilt on either side.

I recently reached out to someone whose days are numbered because I couldn't stand the thought that she was leaving me and might not understand the hurt I felt about our relationship.  She might not understand how much I loved her and how betrayed I felt about many things in our lives that seemed unfair and unrealistic to me.  She will never know I discovered lies she told me and manipulations involving our family finances. For her peace, I would never tell her. In the end, I believe these things do not matter in the whole scheme of life.  The only thing that matters is the love we have for each other and the knowledge that we know we sometimes treat each other unfairly.  She apologized to me, freely and without prompting.  I had already told myself I wanted her to die in peace and I too would apologize for whatever part I played in this pattern of "he said, she said" behind the back talk.  It was a heart wrenching, powerful, life sucking moment, but one that needed to be experienced for the cleansing of both hearts.  The only way to deal with years of pain and misunderstanding is to let it go.  Truly let it go and move on, one day at a time.

Little, by little, I release a little more of past issues.  I believe I have let it go.  Sometimes it still creeps into my head, but I push it back.  Grudges suck our life and block our happiness. We shouldn't wait till the end of our lives to resolve our issues, and I try every day not to have issues to resolve!  Unfortunately, I like to say whatever is on my mind and have a dialogue with someone about it.  This is not something a lot of people feel comfortable with and I sometimes offend the very people I'm trying to be honest with to have a healthier relationship.

Relationships are tough and being honest with each other doesn't always work.  I can take criticism, but sometimes it has hurt.  But, I believe it makes me a better person to know the things I do that annoy others.  If I'm not told, I don't know that sometimes I can be totally annoying, when I think I'm tons of fun!  Saying the right words without offending is not easy, but we should all be open to hearing them and try to listen, absorb, and pay attention to our behavior. Then, try to be better, and let it go.  Let the past be the past, and make tomorrow better.

Life in general is not easy if we are trying every day to be the person we want to be...but life is meant to be lived and mistakes will be made. We can't beat ourselves up over our mistakes because they can always be corrected.  And we will continue to make them. We are human, after all, and we are really not that different.