Life. We're really not that different!: Saying Goodbye To a Loved One
It will be one year...: Saying Goodbye To a Loved One It will be one year since my sister passed on May 29. I now have another friend who is reaching the en...
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Saying Goodbye To a Loved One
It will be one year since my sister passed on May 29. I now have another friend who is reaching the end of his life. It feels so important to say how I feel. I'm not sure why. Saying goodbye is never easy, whether it is the end of a life, a relationship, or someone we know we may not see again for a long time, or ever.
My sister lived 3000 miles away, so the distance itself was difficult. I visited her twice in three months because I knew she didn't have much time left. When the end was closer than I knew, I was surprised. I called her one night to see how she was doing, and her good friend answered the phone and told me she was unable to talk. But, I had so much left to say, I thought. Not knowing how much time was left, I decided to send off an email. My niece was reading the letters and emails to her mom.
Recently, I was cleaning up my emails, which I do quite often. Somehow, I found the email I sent my sister almost a year ago. It was strange because I delete my emails monthly, and I don't know how I found this one. Reading it over made me sad and realize the anniversary was approaching. I would like to share part of it because it made me realize, again, that the "traumas" of every day life are not important. The slights, misunderstandings, hurtful words, and anger we feel is so petty. Good relationships and openly telling each other how we lovingly feel allow us to go through life with no regrets. Why be angry or resentful? As the song says, "let it go." In the end, none of it matters. So here is part of my letter.
"First I want to say how happy I am that you have a friend as good as ... She has been by your side through most of this and your biggest champion....I think if we were closer, things would be different, but at this stage it doesn't matter. We don't choose our family, but we choose our friends, and because they are not related by blood, doesn't mean we love them any less. I am happy you have someone like your best friend to help you through this. She is a blessing and I am grateful to her for all that she has done.
When I received your text the other night, I was working... For some reason I completely fell apart and could not work another minute. Everything leading up to this development has not been reality to me. The reality hit me suddenly. I guess I have been in denial mode. I suddenly realized I am losing my sister too soon. All the "stuff" we've been through over the years is not important. The only thing that matters is we are sisters, and we have always loved each other. I want you to feel peace and contentment knowing I have released all the bad feelings I had.... I only feel love for you and grateful for the times we got to spend together and all the wonderful things you have done for me. Thank you for that, and for taking card of our parents....
...I wish I was there to be able to hold your hand and share another glass of wine. I hope you are peaceful. I understand heaven is a beautiful and wonderful place. Dad always said, "No one has ever come back!" I hope you are not afraid. I am looking forward to seeing everyone again some day. It must be so hard for you, but you are strong, spiritual, and loved. You can do this with the grace you have had your whole life. I have always thought you can do anything. And you can! I love you, my sweet sister. I wish you peace.
My sister passed away the very next day, possibly hours after hearing this email. What a relief to me to be have been able to say what was in my heart. Why do we wait so long to express ourselves? My sister told me she wasn't good with words, or expressing herself. But, there are letters and emails and notes we can write to each other. I could never quite grasp that a life was coming to an end until it could no longer be denied. I had ignored it and denied it for months. But, I learned the importance of appreciating each day, good or bad, and relishing time spent with friends and family. It sounds so cliche, but it is so profound. I try to find time for everyone in my life. My husband tells me I try to hard and stretch myself too thin. I told him seeing family and friends makes me happy and appreciate my life. If I make all the effort, maybe I will be remembered
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Let's talk about butts, baby. Let's talk about you and me. That's the bum, the bottom portion of our bodies, the hiney, the buttocks, the gluteus maximus, with "maximus" being the key word. Butt's seem like they are becoming more popular these days, and the bigger ones are revered.
The derriere comes in different shapes and sizes, as we are aware, but now they are now compared to Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Lopez, and Sophia Vergara. These are curvy women with ample bottoms. Am I to assume the meatier butt is considered stylish and in demand today? Are we no longer trying to shrink our bodies down to the ambitious size 2? These butts will not fit into a size 2!
I am very pleased about this new development in body shape and I am very much in style! I have been called a bubble-butt in my younger days, but now that I have aged, I have been told I have a shelf-butt. This shape is excellent for carrying a tray with food or drinks. It sounds insulting, but could come in handy at a party when both hands are occupied. When we were younger this would have been a great place to put the baby instead of those awkward baby backpacks.
It appears that I am always slanted forward with this shelf-butt no matter how much I try to appear standing straight. The thing just gets in the way, but makes an excellent cushion. Lying on my stomach, the cat enjoys the extra padding, and I can sit for long periods of time without fear of a sore bottom. If I happen to slip and land on my bottom, there are no worries! I could probably bounce right back up without injury!
So, women, embrace your butts! I know that is literally hard to do, so obviously I mean it figuratively. An ample butt gives us something to hold onto as we age. It distinguishes us from other women and creates a new work space for hands free living. It prevents injury and broken bones. The butt is a beautiful thing just like the women who own them. We do not judge women by their butts, but we do admire them. And like the song says, "fat bottom girls you make the rockin' world go round"!
The derriere comes in different shapes and sizes, as we are aware, but now they are now compared to Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Lopez, and Sophia Vergara. These are curvy women with ample bottoms. Am I to assume the meatier butt is considered stylish and in demand today? Are we no longer trying to shrink our bodies down to the ambitious size 2? These butts will not fit into a size 2!
I am very pleased about this new development in body shape and I am very much in style! I have been called a bubble-butt in my younger days, but now that I have aged, I have been told I have a shelf-butt. This shape is excellent for carrying a tray with food or drinks. It sounds insulting, but could come in handy at a party when both hands are occupied. When we were younger this would have been a great place to put the baby instead of those awkward baby backpacks.
It appears that I am always slanted forward with this shelf-butt no matter how much I try to appear standing straight. The thing just gets in the way, but makes an excellent cushion. Lying on my stomach, the cat enjoys the extra padding, and I can sit for long periods of time without fear of a sore bottom. If I happen to slip and land on my bottom, there are no worries! I could probably bounce right back up without injury!
So, women, embrace your butts! I know that is literally hard to do, so obviously I mean it figuratively. An ample butt gives us something to hold onto as we age. It distinguishes us from other women and creates a new work space for hands free living. It prevents injury and broken bones. The butt is a beautiful thing just like the women who own them. We do not judge women by their butts, but we do admire them. And like the song says, "fat bottom girls you make the rockin' world go round"!
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Love can be a beautiful thing, if we are with the right person. I know many excellent couples who have been married for over 20 years, still enjoy each others' company, and respect and support each other. I know other couples who couldn't wait to get married and realized after the "magical" wedding was over, life begins, and it isn't easy to maintain that passion.
I have been married for almost 36 years, and I realized early on it was going to be a struggle. Living with your in-laws for almost three years didn't help. If you can live through that, you can live through anything! I would not recommend doing that. We were both working and could afford a place of our own, but I don't think my husband was ready to leave his mother. So he had two women taking care of him, one doing the cooking, cleaning and laundry the way he liked, the other doing the other things men like, if you know what I mean? That's right. Sharing a life with his mother and still dating. His reasoning for this arrangement was to allow us to save for a house of our own. Two women in the same house sharing one man. I was young, what can I say? I was angry a lot, but we did save and eventually build our own home. I'm reasonably sure he didn't want to move. He had a pretty sweet thing going on.
Life and relationships are never easy and cannot be maintained unless each person works at it. When the children come, it gets even more crowded and emotions are divided. I remember my mom telling me after she had her first child, my dad was a little jealous. Mom used to shine his shoes and lay out his clothes for work. When the baby came, she had less time to devote to her husband. Of course, he was a great dad, eventually understood, and proceeded to have three more kids after the first one arrived. My husband was in shock after our first arrived and had difficulty with the realization he was a dad and totally responsible for another human being!
It has taken years for us to adjust to new adventures in life and learn to depend on each other for support. We have a good relationship because I have maintained a little independence and always make time for my friends and family. My whole life used to be wrapped around his and the children. Most decisions were made by him. But, I have never liked being told what to do, and when he realized one day I was doing things my way for once, he was not happy. He has accepted who I am now, that I like doing things without him sometimes and I am happy, but he liked things the way they were before I made any objections. Now our biggest conflict is deciding whether to get hardwood floors or new rugs. I don't want rugs. This may be a bigger hurdle than I originally thought!
Marriage is a lot of give and take and it should be equal on both sides. There is pain, joy, compassion, and compromise. In the heart of it is remembering the love that brought us together. It doesn't die, it just gets buried in the weeds if no one is pulling them out to help it grow. Anger is passion, but it should not override love. Get on with the anger, work through it, and remember the person you committed to love in your vows. Anger is the reason for gun control, so married couples should not own one. We might forget in the heat of the moment who we are aiming for!
Knives should be locked up too. I once threatened my husband with one. He never knew before he locked himself in the bedroom that it was only a butter knife. I'm afraid of real knives, and never even use a big one to chop vegetables! He told me I was crazy, and maybe at that moment I was. But, he never did whatever it was that made me so angry again!
Therefore, as spring continues to renew life around us, and the sun gets warmer, remember to breath some life into all our relationships. Forget yesterday, and look at the new life ahead. If we were all more tolerant, we could end wars! I know that is an ambitious thought, so lets just start at home. Life is not that different for any of us.
I have been married for almost 36 years, and I realized early on it was going to be a struggle. Living with your in-laws for almost three years didn't help. If you can live through that, you can live through anything! I would not recommend doing that. We were both working and could afford a place of our own, but I don't think my husband was ready to leave his mother. So he had two women taking care of him, one doing the cooking, cleaning and laundry the way he liked, the other doing the other things men like, if you know what I mean? That's right. Sharing a life with his mother and still dating. His reasoning for this arrangement was to allow us to save for a house of our own. Two women in the same house sharing one man. I was young, what can I say? I was angry a lot, but we did save and eventually build our own home. I'm reasonably sure he didn't want to move. He had a pretty sweet thing going on.
Life and relationships are never easy and cannot be maintained unless each person works at it. When the children come, it gets even more crowded and emotions are divided. I remember my mom telling me after she had her first child, my dad was a little jealous. Mom used to shine his shoes and lay out his clothes for work. When the baby came, she had less time to devote to her husband. Of course, he was a great dad, eventually understood, and proceeded to have three more kids after the first one arrived. My husband was in shock after our first arrived and had difficulty with the realization he was a dad and totally responsible for another human being!
It has taken years for us to adjust to new adventures in life and learn to depend on each other for support. We have a good relationship because I have maintained a little independence and always make time for my friends and family. My whole life used to be wrapped around his and the children. Most decisions were made by him. But, I have never liked being told what to do, and when he realized one day I was doing things my way for once, he was not happy. He has accepted who I am now, that I like doing things without him sometimes and I am happy, but he liked things the way they were before I made any objections. Now our biggest conflict is deciding whether to get hardwood floors or new rugs. I don't want rugs. This may be a bigger hurdle than I originally thought!
Marriage is a lot of give and take and it should be equal on both sides. There is pain, joy, compassion, and compromise. In the heart of it is remembering the love that brought us together. It doesn't die, it just gets buried in the weeds if no one is pulling them out to help it grow. Anger is passion, but it should not override love. Get on with the anger, work through it, and remember the person you committed to love in your vows. Anger is the reason for gun control, so married couples should not own one. We might forget in the heat of the moment who we are aiming for!
Knives should be locked up too. I once threatened my husband with one. He never knew before he locked himself in the bedroom that it was only a butter knife. I'm afraid of real knives, and never even use a big one to chop vegetables! He told me I was crazy, and maybe at that moment I was. But, he never did whatever it was that made me so angry again!
Therefore, as spring continues to renew life around us, and the sun gets warmer, remember to breath some life into all our relationships. Forget yesterday, and look at the new life ahead. If we were all more tolerant, we could end wars! I know that is an ambitious thought, so lets just start at home. Life is not that different for any of us.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
"Don't get old, kid!" Good advice from an old man I met in a supermarket once. He was having difficulty walking, using the cart for support, and bagging and lifting his purchases. Then he couldn't remember where he parked his car. That scared me. This man was still driving and could barely walk. Where was his family? Did he have any family who could step in and do what needed to be done for this sweet man? I often worried about elderly people I would see out and about who obviously had difficulty doing the things that wear a younger person out, like shopping.
Now, I would love to follow his advice and not get old, but I'm not ready for the alternative. Although my life is very boring compared to other people I know, I still like the fact that I'm living it!
Recently I had a discussion with a friend about the difficulties of sleeping. I can't remember if I always had a problem, but it seems sleep often escapes me the older I get. Her solution is to get a little exercise every day and use a "blankie". That's what I said. Just like babies love their "blankie", she has a nice soft blankie she wraps herself in and holds against her cheek. It is relaxing for her and helps her to sleep. I told her I don't have a blankie, but I have a cat that is soft and curls up by my side when I go to sleep. I pet her soft fur until my carpal tunnel starts to hurt and my bursitis in that shoulder acts up. Then I turn to my side to prevent my knee from aching through the night. Don't get old?? Are you kidding me? Can't wait to see how I feel in 20 more years!
It seems we revert back to the things that comforted us when we were children, soft blankets, our animals, and sitting in the warm sunshine with our animal crackers in the summer. (Well, that hasn't happened yet, but it's coming!!) I guess I always knew this subconsciously, but gradually, I'm realizing I'm starting to live like an older person. In my head, I still think I'm 20 something and want to hang out with my young friends. I often have to remind myself they probably don't want to be with someone my age. Although I am tons of fun and they love me, I just don't look their age and it would put a damper on their evening to be with someone who looks like their mom!
Therefore, on this April 1, I have to wonder who I'm fooling by thinking I will never get old. We all get older every day. I remember looking in the mirror one day in my early 40's and saying right out loud, "What the hell is that, and when did that happen!?!" It seemed overnight I developed a different face. An older face. Maybe we can call it "a face of wisdom." I didn't like it, but I'm getting used to it. I obviously have no choice at this point.
April Fool my foot! This is no joke! You will all be there one day, so enjoy the ride until then. After all, as you know, we are really not that different!
Now, I would love to follow his advice and not get old, but I'm not ready for the alternative. Although my life is very boring compared to other people I know, I still like the fact that I'm living it!
Recently I had a discussion with a friend about the difficulties of sleeping. I can't remember if I always had a problem, but it seems sleep often escapes me the older I get. Her solution is to get a little exercise every day and use a "blankie". That's what I said. Just like babies love their "blankie", she has a nice soft blankie she wraps herself in and holds against her cheek. It is relaxing for her and helps her to sleep. I told her I don't have a blankie, but I have a cat that is soft and curls up by my side when I go to sleep. I pet her soft fur until my carpal tunnel starts to hurt and my bursitis in that shoulder acts up. Then I turn to my side to prevent my knee from aching through the night. Don't get old?? Are you kidding me? Can't wait to see how I feel in 20 more years!
It seems we revert back to the things that comforted us when we were children, soft blankets, our animals, and sitting in the warm sunshine with our animal crackers in the summer. (Well, that hasn't happened yet, but it's coming!!) I guess I always knew this subconsciously, but gradually, I'm realizing I'm starting to live like an older person. In my head, I still think I'm 20 something and want to hang out with my young friends. I often have to remind myself they probably don't want to be with someone my age. Although I am tons of fun and they love me, I just don't look their age and it would put a damper on their evening to be with someone who looks like their mom!
Therefore, on this April 1, I have to wonder who I'm fooling by thinking I will never get old. We all get older every day. I remember looking in the mirror one day in my early 40's and saying right out loud, "What the hell is that, and when did that happen!?!" It seemed overnight I developed a different face. An older face. Maybe we can call it "a face of wisdom." I didn't like it, but I'm getting used to it. I obviously have no choice at this point.
April Fool my foot! This is no joke! You will all be there one day, so enjoy the ride until then. After all, as you know, we are really not that different!
Saturday, March 29, 2014
I was surprised to read recently that Courtney Love genuinely suspected she knew where the lost Malaysian plane could be found before any other country figured it out. When I mentioned this to someone they immediately said, "Was she stoned?" How would I know? I just know her thoughts made news and gave me something to ponder. My first thought was, "How could a comment from Courtney Love about such a sensitive issue like this make it into the news?" Then I thought, "Wow, she really took some time thinking about this. I wonder why no one else thought of this?" There was a map and arrows pointing to a place on the map. It all looked very official.
This news started my brain to think about other things in the world that need to happen, like a cure for cancer. There are millions of dollars being poured into cancer research and treatments, but we have yet to come up with anything that actually works without a doubt. I know too many people who have been touched by this disease and it's starting to get on my nerves. One of my dear friends is battling right now as well as my sister. My sister has a positive attitude although her prognosis is dire. My friend has been depressed since the day he learned of his illness. I don't know what lies in his future, but I wish he would treat every day as a blessing and a gift instead of spending this time under a cloud.
I know it is difficult to deal with the prospect of not being around for your family and not knowing how long you will be around, but for heaven sake, enjoy the time you are here. I told him this, and my husband told me he completely understood and asked why I would say such a thing. "Should I have told him to continue worrying? Can we stop our future, or is it only possible to live in the present? What is the purpose of worry?"
I was told that he is probably worrying about where he is going after his demise. Now, that is something I never thought of, but, as a Catholic, we are taught we might not get into Heaven if we do not live spiritual lives. My husband apparently is worried about being admitted into heaven. I told him he was a good man and didn't need to worry. Apparently, he thinks he needs to do more, so thank goodness he is healthy and has time to redeem himself! He told me a story about how he used to steal donuts with his friends from a bakery truck early Saturday mornings while the truck was delivering to the Acme. He and his friends took them right off the truck for breakfast, and no one ever suspected. This was 46 years ago, and it still haunts him. He thinks he needs to go to confession. I told him to talk to God. He won't rest until he talks to a priest. Unbelievable.
Anyway, I asked my friend if he was allowed to drink wine, and he said he is going to ask his doctor. Just one little glass of wine could help him to relax. Two might make him forget for a little while. And three might make him actually have a good time! But, we'll start with one.
Then, I thought, wouldn't it be great if they discovered wine could cure cancer??!! No chemo, no radiation, just go home and drink lots of wine! Pour it on your head if you need to, depending on what type of cancer you have...skin cancer, hair cancer, scalp cancer, dandruff. I know, I'm getting carried away. I like wine.
So, do we think my instinctive idea that wine may cure cancer will hit the news? I'm doubting it! I think I'll just go have a glass of wine and keep this thought to myself. In this case, I think we might be a little different.
This news started my brain to think about other things in the world that need to happen, like a cure for cancer. There are millions of dollars being poured into cancer research and treatments, but we have yet to come up with anything that actually works without a doubt. I know too many people who have been touched by this disease and it's starting to get on my nerves. One of my dear friends is battling right now as well as my sister. My sister has a positive attitude although her prognosis is dire. My friend has been depressed since the day he learned of his illness. I don't know what lies in his future, but I wish he would treat every day as a blessing and a gift instead of spending this time under a cloud.
I know it is difficult to deal with the prospect of not being around for your family and not knowing how long you will be around, but for heaven sake, enjoy the time you are here. I told him this, and my husband told me he completely understood and asked why I would say such a thing. "Should I have told him to continue worrying? Can we stop our future, or is it only possible to live in the present? What is the purpose of worry?"
I was told that he is probably worrying about where he is going after his demise. Now, that is something I never thought of, but, as a Catholic, we are taught we might not get into Heaven if we do not live spiritual lives. My husband apparently is worried about being admitted into heaven. I told him he was a good man and didn't need to worry. Apparently, he thinks he needs to do more, so thank goodness he is healthy and has time to redeem himself! He told me a story about how he used to steal donuts with his friends from a bakery truck early Saturday mornings while the truck was delivering to the Acme. He and his friends took them right off the truck for breakfast, and no one ever suspected. This was 46 years ago, and it still haunts him. He thinks he needs to go to confession. I told him to talk to God. He won't rest until he talks to a priest. Unbelievable.
Anyway, I asked my friend if he was allowed to drink wine, and he said he is going to ask his doctor. Just one little glass of wine could help him to relax. Two might make him forget for a little while. And three might make him actually have a good time! But, we'll start with one.
Then, I thought, wouldn't it be great if they discovered wine could cure cancer??!! No chemo, no radiation, just go home and drink lots of wine! Pour it on your head if you need to, depending on what type of cancer you have...skin cancer, hair cancer, scalp cancer, dandruff. I know, I'm getting carried away. I like wine.
So, do we think my instinctive idea that wine may cure cancer will hit the news? I'm doubting it! I think I'll just go have a glass of wine and keep this thought to myself. In this case, I think we might be a little different.
Monday, March 24, 2014
It is not easy to maintain sanity when it seems we are surrounded with insanity at every turn. I believe I manage quite well, especially living with an 85-year-old woman who sometimes doesn't know if it's day or night. This morning she got up at 6:30 am and wondered how come dinner wasn't ready yet. Then she proceeded to turn the TV up to a volume that insured the rest of the house would wake up with her. I should mention no one works normal hours, so there is no need for any of us to be up before 8 am. A little insane.
Then, last night we wanted to watch a movie on Netflix which we have paid for a couple of years and never used. My son claimed he didn't know the password, but later informed us there were no more accounts available because three of his friends were using the other accounts which, again, we are paying for. Should I be paying for something I can't use? Apparently my husband wants to discuss it with my son first. Maybe it's me, but that is insane.
Now, on another note, what do you do when you're unemployed? Well, apparently, you buy a new car. Yep. My husband just bought a new car. He discussed it with me and I didn't say no because, well, I thought logic would kick in and make him realize it might not be a good idea. When he came home with it, I told him maybe he should have waited a few months and he said I should have said something sooner. Seriously? That is insane.
One more thing. In my job searches, I decided to apply for a job in which I have 26 years experience. I was rejected because I did not have the experience they were looking for. With that said, I do not know what someone with 26 years experience would have to offer anyone any more. I'm starting to feel insane.
In summation, I live with a woman who doesn't know night from day, a son who is generous with friends and uses our money, a husband who thinks money grows on trees, no apparent job experience, and I twiddle my thumbs wondering if I'm the one living in an alternate reality.
It has been said that insanity is the closest thing to genius, so maybe everyone around me is a genius! I better start adopting some of these attitudes so I can be labeled a genius too! Then we can all really not be that different!
Then, last night we wanted to watch a movie on Netflix which we have paid for a couple of years and never used. My son claimed he didn't know the password, but later informed us there were no more accounts available because three of his friends were using the other accounts which, again, we are paying for. Should I be paying for something I can't use? Apparently my husband wants to discuss it with my son first. Maybe it's me, but that is insane.
Now, on another note, what do you do when you're unemployed? Well, apparently, you buy a new car. Yep. My husband just bought a new car. He discussed it with me and I didn't say no because, well, I thought logic would kick in and make him realize it might not be a good idea. When he came home with it, I told him maybe he should have waited a few months and he said I should have said something sooner. Seriously? That is insane.
One more thing. In my job searches, I decided to apply for a job in which I have 26 years experience. I was rejected because I did not have the experience they were looking for. With that said, I do not know what someone with 26 years experience would have to offer anyone any more. I'm starting to feel insane.
In summation, I live with a woman who doesn't know night from day, a son who is generous with friends and uses our money, a husband who thinks money grows on trees, no apparent job experience, and I twiddle my thumbs wondering if I'm the one living in an alternate reality.
It has been said that insanity is the closest thing to genius, so maybe everyone around me is a genius! I better start adopting some of these attitudes so I can be labeled a genius too! Then we can all really not be that different!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)